Bala karthiga M

So it’s that time of the year when I simply cannot pull myself together.

My entire system crashes.

My mind, body, soul, emotions, feelings and social life just crashes.

It is during times like these that I wake up every day, feeling angry, sad, guilty and depressed about things that I very well know are out of my hands.

It is during times like these that I feel like I’m nothing but forty seven kilograms of hatred and resentment. I turn into a robot. I don’t smile and I push people away. 

It is during times like these that happiness is so hard to find.

I decided to make a list of things that make me happy. It might be the little things that I don’t appreciate often enough or the big things that I take granted for.

I just had one rule. I have to fill the entire page. I knew that once the last line was filled, my crashed system would be fixed.

So, here goes.

I started out in a grumpy and dejected mood, but once I got into thinking and rummaging through my mind about the things that make me happy, I was suddenly worried that the page was coming to an end soon.

It was like a beautiful reminder that despite all the difficult things that are going on in my life, even if it feels like getting out of this phase seems almost impossible,  there’s a whole bunch of little things in my life that aren’t going away.

Love,

Bala.