Bala karthiga M

There isn’t any significant update about my manuscript yet, but I may potentially have some good news soon, IF things go the way I hope they do.

A couple of days ago, I was hit with the sudden realization that life was too short. And this realization has wounded me quite deeply because it hit me, like a ton of rocks. Of course, the entire process of creating good things in life like a career, an education, a healthy relationship or even a novel, take time. It is understandable that these important things take a considerable amount of time. But it is while we are busy pouring our efforts into these things that are only a part of life, that we forget that life itself is very short.

Anything can happen to anyone, anytime.

And realizing this made me come out of the strong walls that I built around myself. I’ve always bee quite a cautious person. Especially when it relates to matters of the heart and matters of my career, I DO NOT take risks.

I’m 21, legally, but I hardly feel like it. I still live with my parents, I like wearing shorts and a loose tee when I’m home, I still style my hair into a tight double plait and I watch Disney. I am  shocked and still in denial that I’m getting older and as I do, I’ll be expected to do certain things that I absolutely dread doing. Like getting married for example, and having a career or going to a day job, Phew!

What if something dreadful happens in the middle of it all, and changes the entire canvas that we’ve been working on? Life’s simply too short to predict.

It’s too short to be scared of what people might think and to hold our true feelings back. Maybe that’s why it’s been such a complicated and shocking realization. We’re just scared. (Or at least, I am.)

There are so many things that we simply DON’T DO because we’re scared of what other people might think. We’re scared of being judged.

We don’t wear what we want to wear, because we’re scared we might be criticized for it or that someone might throw a dirty look at us. We don’t listen to the music we like listening to, because our crush or best friend doesn’t like that or because it’s considered bad taste in music!

When I was in eighth grade, I used to pretend I liked pink, because it’s mandatory for girls to like pink.

But you know what? I don’t like pink!

I like Red. I  like Purple. And I like White.

My cousins loved Adele, and so I said I loved Adele, but in reality I don’t like Adele!! Not that much!! I mean, I don’t mind listening to Adele, but I don’t love her.

I like Taylor Swift.

And life’s too short not to like Taylor Swift!

We stop doing the things that make us happy, because we’re trying to make someone who probably isn’t as important as we thought they are, happy! This is insane.  This is so emotionally exhausting. I just need to stop typing. I need a tea break.

We don’t use our words. We don’t say people how much we like them, or what kind of feelings we have for them or that we have a crush on them or that we’re sorry about the drift in our relationship or that we’re grateful to have them in our lives. We don’t speak our heart, because we’re afraid we might be judged.

We quite easily hold ourselves back from being who we really are.

This is silly, utterly silly and life is too frigging short to be doing things like that!

Who knows what might happen?

You could get hit by a bus when you walk out of your home tomorrow.

Sorry, that was harsh, but what I wanted to say is this.

People die every day, and also they get married.

It could be you, it could be me, and it could be someone you loved when you were in high school, some one you secretly had a crush on, or someone you had been holding a grudge against for a very long time and life’s painfully too short to repress your true feelings or to hold on to heart breaks and grudges.

It’s weird. It’s really weird. It’s such a weird world.

We never think it’s going to happen to us until it happens to us.

Love,

Bala.

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