Bala karthiga M

Rejections are tough.

Getting through them is tough. Classifying them is tougher.

It’s almost as if, rejections are the most diverse manifestation of suffering.

The one universal truth that remains is, however, this: PEOPLE GET REJECTED.  It happens all the time. Some of the most common types of rejection that I’ve heard of are:

“I got rejected from 5 job interviews in a row.” 

“I studied really hard, but my application to my dream college got rejected.” 

“This guy I went out with for five years, rejected our relationship.”

“I saw this pretty girl, stalked her and told her I loved her. She rejected my feelings. I threw acid on her face.”

“I don’t know how to handle this sales rejection, I might go bankrupt.”

“I auditioned for this role but didn’t make the cut again. Got rejected”

“My Visa got rejected. What am I so unlucky?”

I’m a writer. I write books.

So you see, piles and piles of rejection letters are the foundation that I built my career on. I’m young, and yet, I’ve had a very intimate relationship with rejections.

Yet, I’m a pretty confident person.

I’m happy.

You’ll never see me crying over my work.

I’m not saying that I am made of steel.

I do cry.

Quite often, actually.

Like when I listen to Nallai Allai from Kaatru Veliyidai or when I see a stray puppy nestled under thin leaves during a torrential shower, or when I watch the climax of Anjali, or when my best friend gets married – I bawl like a baby.

But when it comes to my professional life, I’m pretty fiercely defensive. I stick to my dream through the highs and the lows. I never back down. Call it a typical Capricorn female trait, if you will.

I wanted to write this post because it’s important.

I’ve been visiting schools to talk to students about my career, and my job is usually to inspire them to take up creative careers as well. To most of them, when I say, ‘Hey kids, guess what? I published a book!’ it sounds almost like an instantly rewarding, fairy-tale like magical accomplishment. I usually try to nod along and pretend that it is because I do not have the heart to contaminate their clear happy minds with the dark and depressing side of working in an insanely competitive creative environment.

 

The truth is, yes, thriving competition means risking rejections.

And yes, rejections break you. And broken hearts are the worst because it’s like something inside of you physically broke, nobody can see it but you can feel the pain in your chest everytime you take a breath in.

And broken hearts are the worst because it’s like something inside of you physically broke, nobody can see it but you can feel the pain in your chest everytime you take a breath in.

However, you don’t let the rejections end you.

Rising above rejections simply means strategizing your failures.

The wisdom of ‘Learning from your failures’ is a topic that has been well beaten to death. Yet, it’s interesting how people who use said wisdom are surprisingly rare. Is this gap because of the fact that we are taught to think about failure the wrong way?

What if, our widely popular beliefs about learning from failures are misguided?

First, we need to stop arresting failures. Being adeptly cautious is something we’ve been designed to do.

Failure is not always bad. Of course, if we are talking about an organization, a company or a corporate project – I might say differently.  But for a person, an individual – failure is not always bad.

Second, we need to stop wanting to root out the cause of the rejection. Why are we plagued by a mass delusion that failure always means fault?

It’s important to have a safe emotional distance between your actions and your results. This is one of the many reasons why I find myself going back to the wisdom of the Gita.

You only have the right to the action. The fruit of your action isn’t up to you.

The reason I love this concept is that it forms a safe distance – a cushioning effect of sorts, between what you want and what you get.

When you digest this piece of wisdom and imbibe it into your every thought, every muscle and nerve – you will know that your self-worth and your rejection have no correlation whatsoever.

This assurance, that you are worthy, you are important and you are wonderful – no matter what happens.

Knowing this, and believing this, is what makes me a happy, confident person.

When I was nineteen, all that I had in front of me were rejection letters. But I told myself I was important. I am wonderful. And I will continue creating more.

Guess what, four years later, I have a published book to my name, and two more novels are on the way.

You rise above rejections when you stop regretting. When you stop feeling sorry for yourself, or worse – hating yourself. When you give in to the pain inflicted by a certain rejection, you’re not only giving it too much power, but also an open invitation into dictating your relationship with the most important person in your life – yourself.

YOU are all that you’ve got, buddy.

Got rejected at 5 job interviews at a row?

Studied really hard, but your application to your dream college got rejected?

The guy you went out with for five years, rejected your relationship?

You auditioned for the role, but didn’t make the cut again and got rejected?

Don’t know how to handle this sales rejection, and scared that you might go bankrupt?

Your Visa got rejected?

Doesn’t matter. You are wonderful. You are important. 

Saw this pretty girl, stalked her and told her you loved her. But she rejected your feelings?

Doesn’t matter. You are wonderful. You are important. [And step away from that acid, please?]

Some of you might think all of this isn’t actually solid useful advice. Probably sounds cheesy to some of you. Or to some, way too simple and generalised.

But in the broad spectrum of failures, it is tough to impart a learning culture when everyone only focusses on filling the system with complexities.

I’m not going to talk about strategic innovation, here.

(Although I’d love to).

When it comes to a company, it’s okay to know that failures happen to when you don’t deliver the service effectively.

But individuals taking rejections cannot be equated to the faulty delivery of service, can they? We need to stop promoting this blame game culture. We need to stop attaching rejections to values of self-worth.

Refuse to attach rejections to values of your self-worth.

If there’s any metric that quantifies your self worth – its just one.

The metric of kindness.

Empathise with yourself, and love yourself, even when it seems almost impossible to.

Believing in yourself & adoring yourself, is the key to happiness and to confidence.

It’s the key to rising above rejections.

XOXO,

Bala ❤

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